I became the Board President of the Estes Dementia Day Center for personal and professional reasons. I am retired from a long career in non-profits and didn’t expect to be involved in creating another one. Yet here I am. I want to introduce you to two women who taught me about dementia and inspired me to become involved in this vital project.
I’ve been married twice and feel fortunate to have had my two mothers-in-law, Jean and Grace, in my life. They were very different women: one an Easterner who loved being a housewife to an Air Force officer, and the other a Colorado native who was a working woman long before it was socially acceptable for women to work. Both were petite, joyful women, and they both had dementia before passing away.
Jean lived in Phoenix, and I saw her only a couple of times a year. My last visit was especially difficult because it was shocking to see how fragile she had become. While in Memory Care, she had grown irritated by little things. We sat in her tiny living room, and with a “tisk, tisk,” she kept getting up to pick up tiny, almost non-existent pieces of lint on the carpet. I almost believed I heard her saying, “You just can’t get good help anymore.”
My husband Scott’s mom, Grace, lived in Colorado Springs, and he was committed to visiting her once a week. I often accompanied him on that three-hour drive when we were first married and she was in an independent living facility. Within a year of meeting her, she suffered a bad fall, and her family moved her into assisted living. Time seemed to both crawl and fly during the days of the pandemic when we stood outside talking to her through the window. She kept falling and was taken to the ER, where Scott and I waited outside. Memory Care came next.
The last time I saw Jean, I thought she recognized me, but I quickly realized she believed I was someone else when she remarked, “If we’re about the same age, why do you look so much younger than I do?” Eventually, I recognized that she thought I was her sister-in-law. She looked at me, confused, when I told her I was her daughter-in-law. In her mind, she still envisioned her son, Lee, who had died seven years earlier, as that adorable little boy in the photograph on her dresser. I flew down to visit her alone, and after a couple of days, I left her standing there, waving goodbye from her doorway. She wasn’t truly alone; her granddaughter was her main contact, and she had other family nearby. Still, it was hard to leave.
Grace, who was always so happy to see us, started to fret about things. “Where is my wallet?” she asked every few minutes. She began carrying her handbag with her everywhere. After another fall, this time breaking her hip, she was bedridden when we drove down to visit her. The last time I saw Grace, I leaned over her bed to kiss her goodbye. The sun shone in the window behind me, creating a halo effect, and she beamed up at me and said, “Oh, an angel.”
We all have our memories. My memories of Jean and Grace encompass not only the last times I saw them but also all the years I knew them. They were gracious, loving women whom I came to know and cherish. Creating a facility that assists individuals with dementia and their caregivers is close to my heart. Early on in this venture, we established our mission and vision statements, which effectively summarize what we are doing.
Vision Statement: To foster a culture of care in the Estes Valley for adults with dementia and their caregivers.
Mission Statement: To serve local adults with dementia through an enriching day program, offering caregivers essential time for respite.
Values: Compassion, Joy, Dignity, Safety
Estes Adult Dementia Center will be a local community-based adult day program that includes a joyful, safe, structured, and secure environment with staff who provide socialization, cognitive stimulation through fun activities, some physical activity, and healthy snacks. Having a center like this will also allow much-needed caregiver relief for families and primary caregivers.
To help, donate, or make inquiries, please email maryruthdancer@yahoo.com.
